Nikki Haley, the US ambassador to the UN, has said that she sees regime change in Syria as one of the Trump administration’s priorities.

Really, we’re here again are we? Clearly US Foreign Policy is plagiarising Whack-a-Mole.

Let’s spell this out shall we, for all the political toddlers in power out there. When you remove the PIP (Person In Power), you better make sure what replaces them is ‘better’.

And by the way, ‘better’ for Western Democratic Interests isn’t necessarily ‘better’ for Other Countries (source: the history of the world – read some books).

So, let’s think – who among the Syrian opposition is truly pro-democratic, with proven humanitarian credentials, an impressive track record in liberal, pro-Western thinking and equipped to handle the chaos of social disintegration that regime change will produce? Put simply, what Syrian opposition candidate would you take home to mother?

[Drums fingers on chin.]

Oh yes, that’s right. NO ONE.

The only person who might be able to pour salve on Syria’s sectarian and political divisions, keep Iran out, fuck off ISIS and unite the country for a stable, happier future is Jesus Christ. And I hear that if he returns, we’re all in trouble.

Now, Trump administration. You remember that country called Iraq. You pronounce it I- rak. Yes, that one. Well, can you tell me what happened last time your country dicked with a dictator, removed Saddam Hussein from power and then congratulated yourselves on regime change?

Can’t remember? Let me remind you. That PIP was particularly repugnant, but as is often the case, PIPs are repugnant for a reason. The reason being that they don’t operate in The Sound of Music; there’s proper freaky shit they have to keep the lid on. That PIP was keeping the lid on a whole blend of nasty extremists, far less attuned to Western political sensibilities than his inglorious self. But you didn’t listen, went ahead and destabilised the country by removing the nasty leader. To our eternal shame, we helped you.

How did Iraq love us? Let us count the ways:

  • Documented civilian deaths from violence, estimate: 173,319 – 193,520.
  • Total violent deaths including combatants: 268,000.
  • Displacement both internal and external – creating refugees in Jordan and Syria – estimates of 3.5 million to 5 million or more, directly attributable to the war (violence, and threats of ethnic or sectarian cleansing).
  • A total of 4,491 U.S. service members were killed in Iraq between 2003 and 2014.

And that’s just for starters. Let’s not mention creating a whole platform for Al-Qaeda, ISIS and the like to get their basic training in.

Here, let me quote an MI6 operative’s summation, speaking during our Chilcot Inquiry: ‘Sunt lacrimae rerum’. You won’t understand it, so go away and look it up. Don’t just look up the Latin, but explore the context Virgil uses it in. When the historical magnitude of the phrase dawns, then have a think about the ‘policy’ bit of the phrase ‘foreign policy’.  A word we also get from the ancients from the Greek ‘politeia’, meaning ‘state, administration, government, citizenship.’ Can you define in detail – can you guarantee – what any one of these would mean to Syrians ‘on the ground’ in a post-Assad Syria?

While you’re cribbing sixth form statehood, I’d like to ask you what your plan is.

Will you crash on into Syria regardless believing ‘this time things will be different’?

Is your fighting talk a decoy? In nailing your flag to the opposite side of the Syrian dispute than Russia, are you trying to make the ‘Russian connections’ scandal go away?

Do you wish to take on Russia in the Middle East, again? The world has changed since 1978 in Afghanistan; you know you won’t be fighting that war again, right?

I have a suggestion. Why don’t you all take a day. Go somewhere relaxing – like the cosy situation room in Mar-a-Lago (who chose the carpet, BTW?). Get some sandwiches in and Google ‘strategy’. Just see what comes up. You might surprise yourselves.



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